Veto Power! (Who governs your life?)

“But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.” Job‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Each Tuesday, for the past three plus months I’ve been sharing posts from others that I’ve found encouraging. Thank you to all who took the time to read here and to support the respective bloggers. Lord willing next week we will continue on this vein.

Today, I want to share one lesson Abba taught me that has been resonating with me.

On September 3 of last year, Anthony and I committed to entering a phase of courtship which we trusted would ultimately lead to our marriage to each other. This decision came about after much prayer and fasting together and alone; honest discussion with each other as friends about our past and expected future before coming to this juncture; and seeking counsel from the trusted members of our respective circles.

We both had our own share of tumultuous (and even non-existent) relationships in the past and knew that we wanted only ABBA’s best. We earnestly sought the Lord before we agreed to enter courtship and after making the decision to move forward, we consistently placed the state of our relationship before the Lord trusting that He would fit all the pieces together since we were sure the end goal was marriage.

For a while, things appeared to begin falling into place. Deandra was finally getting her knight in shining armor. I was happy, hopeful, ecstatic. Anthony and I spoke several times a day. We would sit and talk for hours on end. Sleep? Who needed this 😉

Sadly, this type of communication and fellowship did not last. On April 7th of this year, Anthony made the decision to end the relationship. When asked his reason, all he could furnish was that he felt as though the faucet stopped running. I asked if I did anything to hurt the relationship and his response was no. He left me with what appeared to be no remorse, and no explanation. To say I was devastated would have been an understatement. I felt as though apart of me was irreparably crushed. For many weeks following I felt like a zombie. The agony of losing a man that my family was introduced to as my betrothal left me with sorrow upon sorrow.

The months which ensued did not bring me lasting relief. I was hopeful Anthony would have returned, and we would have been able to patch things up. I asked the Lord repeatedly what went wrong and so far was given this one phrase from Job 1:21 that I had to cling to over and over.

“The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”

Was it the Lord who took this relationship away from me? Did I misunderstand Him in moving forward with this relationship? Where did I go wrong?

Questions like these plagued me over and over. At nights, sleep was elusive to me. The sanctuary of my bedroom that was dedicated to Abba when this house was bought felt like Ichabod. I felt alone. I felt unloved. I felt abandoned.


Most recently, the Lord after hearing my heart’s repeated cries for answers, and dealing with the plethora of questions my soul produced spoke to the deepest parts of my heart:

I must have veto power in your life.

You see, as a Christian, part of the tenet of my faith is believing that Jehovah is Sovereign. It is easy to declare His Sovereignty when we see things happening in nature, the scriptures unfolding daily in our world, and even in some matters that leave us baffled at times. But what about in our own personal lives? What about when life doesn’t happen the way we expected or the way we prayed? What about when we felt that we were led down one path only to discover this path led to severe stripping, to intense pain, to immeasurable turmoil? Do we still trust His Sovereignty?

What about when we have fine tuned our decisions and are en route to accomplishing them? Do we like Jesus declare, Nevertheless not my will but thine will be done. Are we willing to allow for Him to interrupt and veto our plans, especially after we have given careful consideration to every single detail?

As I look back today, I still don’t know why Anthony ended our relationship. I want to know, I think it would help me to move on quicker or maybe not. Whatever the case though, I am at peace. I trust that my Abba took veto power and I am exactly where He wants me to be, and so is Anthony.

Like Job, I do not have the answer why devastation struck. I do not know why what I perceived as the Lord’s go ahead in this path ended up with me being jilted. I do not know why the relationship that He allowed to give me such joy, left me with such sorrow.

I do know though, that like Job, I must be willing to accept good, and bad from the hands of my Sovereign Daddy. I must be willing to trust His nature, especially when things in my nature appear contrary. I do know too that I must trust His plans for my life, and those around me. Though I felt slain mentally and emotionally, I choose to trust Him, even if He doesn’t let me in on why this kind of loss had to come my way.

Philippians 1:6, ESV: “And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

Finally, I will continue to allow Abba to have veto power in every area of my life! How about you?


61 thoughts on “Veto Power! (Who governs your life?)

  1. Oh Dee! I am sorry to hear that things did not work out as you hoped.
    Your question of whether the Lord has veto power in our personal lives was very thought provoking. I must say that we very readily say that He is sovereign in other things but in our personal life we struggle to let go.
    You leaning on God and trusting Him even though you do not entirely understand is the right way to be and such a good example to all.
    Blessings to you dear sis 💙.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Your comment, Manu, feels like a warm blanket on a very chilly and windy day. Thank you 🤗

      Yes, you’re absolutely right. When it comes to our very personal lives, we want to be boss – we want complete control. Silly us 😂 I’m reminded of something I read by Tony Evans not too long ago. He said if we want to be in control, we should go get our own universe. My response to him, I can’t, so I will do my best with dear sisters like you, to submit to the Lord of our universe. ❣️🤗
      ABBA’s Shalom be yours always.

      Liked by 4 people

        1. Hi Dee so sorry that things didn’t work out , but guest what, my God say and is your God too, Hallelujah to his name , he will never leave you nor forsake you, he have something better for you with your name written on it, with God approval, hold out a little longer, you will soon get a fine and better package, so sorry it didn’t work out , but the best is yet to come, just believe,much love.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so sorry this happened to you, Deandra. Please do not take Andrew’s ultimate aversion to commitment as an ultimate rejection of you. I realize this is next to impossible, but as a guy, I say it’s true. It’s possible one person in this relationship was a bit of a pretender, and that person wasn’t you.

    Please forgive my frankness, but I feel I have a perspective that many of your girl friends lack. Men fear commitment, and it’s entirely possible that this is Andrew’s issue—not yours.

    I like your God’s veto power idea. In Him we have a daddy who will always look out for us! I’m glad you posted some of your own thoughts again. She’s BACK!

    May God continue to heal your heart. Blessings, always. David

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Oh David, you are the big brother every little sister wants in her home to fight and deal with all those boys out there that leave us in pain 😉

      Thank you for such a candid perspective. It really is lovely to hear from the ‘other’ side of the gender spectrum.

      And thank you for your support both here, and behind the scenes. You’re a gem that Abba is proud to see His reflection in.


      Liked by 3 people

  3. Oh my Deandra. I thought something like this had happened but could not say anything. The Father would have me wait and let you express your grief when you have had to process it. I am so glad I did. Your response at this betrayal is exactly what it needs to be. I praise God for this.

    Though you may not call it as such what Anthony did was betrayal. It is alright to call the baby ugly at times. When God brings us these experiences, and they are very hard to bear, we may not understand why. In fact the whole question of ‘why’ may take months or years to be answered. All we can do, in the meantime is to work through the pain of the betrayal.

    As humans, as it was for God, betrayal is one of the most difficult of emotions to work through as it is a direct and brutal attack on the place where we are deeply vulnerable. Such is the path of love. We cannot have the ecstatic passion of intimacy with another without the risk of betrayal from them.

    Did you know that before God created earth, satan was the most beloved of angels who walked with God in the coals of fire? His intimacy with the Father was greater than any other angel and yet he still betrayed God. Satan was cast from heaven but the pain in God’s heart was incredibly deep. His wound aches still and there are time when He allows me to feel but a tiny portion of this pain and it overwhelms me. This was the price God was willing to pay because HE IS love. His love endured that searing pain because His love goes deeper than any betrayal ever could.

    He knows that one cannot have intimacy without the risk of abandonment; betrayal. Even though He knew this He still created satan and allowed him to betray the very heart of love itself because He had an answer for even the vilest of betrayals. Jesus came and took on Himself the ultimate betrayal on earth, to be crucified by his own people, so we would have a place to take our pain.His willingness to take betrayal head on and still forgive is more powerful than any offense.

    His death gives us a picture of just how deep His love is. This is the message that I wish that people understood. No matter how deep your betrayal goes, God’s depth of love goes deeper still. The cross of Jesus is the only place where you can take the pain. He is the only One who truly understands betrayal and the forgiveness needed for healing. Only when we take our pain to Him will we find the understanding, forgiveness and empathy to be intimate with Jesus.

    So in this place dear sister you needed time to grieve and then eventually see what path you would take with the grief. Your choice, as is the choice of all the faithful who experience betrayal first hand, is to take the pain to the cross where it belongs. You have allowed Jesus to be Lord even in this and ‘this’ is the hardest place we learn how to call Him Lord. This is the right thing to do. Though you may not understand the ‘why’ you accept what ‘is’ and in that strange place, the betrayal of the created is actually building intimacy with the Uncreated.

    I know it sounds strange but God allows betrayal in the life of believers precisely because He wants us to grasp and own just what love is. We cannot truly relate to Jesus and the Father without experiencing betrayal because they experienced that pain first hand. How can we relate with Him in intimacy if we do not experience that same pain He has? So it is the great mystery of love that in order to plumb the depths of love we must also experience its betrayal. How I pray it were not so, not to avoid our own pain of betrayal, but because of how much I know it hurts my Beloved. Even still I am thankful for the experience He grants us in this regard. It gives us the opportunity to step into the fire with Jesus and understand and empathize with Him in ways we cannot do without betrayal.

    You see we are all betrayers at heart Deandra. Each and everyone of us has the ‘self’ nature from satan who was the first and penultimate betrayer. That nature in us betrays others and God all the time. It is not until we are stopped cold by the betrayal of another do we see the first cracks in our own nature and the ugly nature of betrayal underneath. Only when we see that will we be able to repent of it. Only then will the door be open to us to enter into deeper relationship with Jesus. For as long as we hold on to the ‘self’ nature we cannot be trusted NOT to betray.

    This is why what you are experiencing is God ordained and so very valuable Deandra. This is the heart of the gospel. This is the heart of love. There is no life without a crucifixion. His death opened the door of life to you. Your experience of betrayal has opened the door of love between you and your Beloved. As you step forth with a new empathy for what God Himself experienced you will find a whole new dimension in your relationship with Jesus. I look forward to reading your words going forward.

    All of our blessings and love dear sister,

    Homer and Wanda

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Homer and Wanda,

      I am so glad you continue to allow Abba to lead you in ALL THINGS.

      As I read this lesson on love and betrayal, I thought about something that Corrie ten Boom said once she was released from the concentration camp, “there is no pit so deep, that God’s love is not deeper still.”

      I’m so very indebted to you for your words of wisdom and affirmation. For consistently pointing me (and others who visit here) to the cross. It is only at the cross where we are broken and made whole; where the Lord reveals our failures, and shows us that only His grace in us is sufficient to keep us from falling.

      My love to you both now, and through the ages of time. Dee❣️

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I am glad you are able to share your broken heart. You are beginning to heal. We had plans to move to Scotland that God vetoed. It hurt for a long time but now I understand why. I can see how God planned it for good. I am thankful we never moved. Like a parent God knows what is best although we can’t see it at the time. May God continue to bring healing to your heart.❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Who would have thought that healing comes through revealing, Lena Rae? But that is just what does take place. When we open our hearts and share our griefs, we begin to experience the love of Abba through Himself, and others.

      Thank you for sharing a time the Lord vetoed a plan in your life. For reminding us that though it hurt (and for a long time too), now you look back and see that He knew (and still knows) what’s best for us. Thanks for praying for me too ❤️❣️

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Aw, Dee, I feel for you! It was so refreshing to read the first few paragraphs about your approach to courtship. It is so rare to see someone doing it RIGHT these days. I believe in the long run the Lord will reward you for your commitment to Him, and future blessings will outweigh the pain of the present. It is also a very rare thing for anyone to give God “veto power” when it comes to decisions of the heart. I had never thought of it in those terms. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us today. Love you, sis! ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Annie. I’ve missed your nuggets of love, tenderness and humor ‘something fierce.’

      Thank you for affirming me here. I really didn’t know how much I needed it until you gave it. ❣️Sometimes I feel odd because of my approach to relationships but I’m comforted knowing that because Daddy was sought in this, He stepped in on His Own Time 🙌🏽

      Love to you always ❣️🤗


  6. Aww. Sending you a big hug sis. ❤
    Hmm. I just know that in it all “He works it all together for good”. I remembered last year I got to the point I said “God please leave me alone” when all I had planned went all shattered right in front of me. But each day has made me be more appreciative of His big No. He owns us and knows what’s best for us and teaching us “sole surrender”. In it all He is still our “good father”.
    Hugs. Thanks for sharing this, big sis. 🤗❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mercy! My sweet sweet sister and friend. I accept your hug and reciprocate with gladness and joy.

      Isn’t it just like the Lord to cause things to work together for good to ALL who love Him? I smile at your testimony as I witness just how much those shattered dreams brought you closer to Abba, to those He’s positioned in your walk, and to your purpose.

      He is a good good Father. These is none quite like Him at all. It is my pleasure today to be poured out here on WP, a drink offering 🙌🏽❣️


  7. This hurts my heart Dee! Life sometimes takes us on a crazy ride where we have no control over the wheel….The only thing we have control over is sitting back in our seat and letting THE Driver take us where we should go. Not fun, when we have no idea where we are going. And just when we thought we were turning right, the vehicle suddenly veers left! At least that’s the way it feels at times! Amen? Praying God continued to guide your life. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You do have a way with words, Renee. ❤️

      Your analogy is certainly on point, but especially when we consider that our life from birth to eternity is a journey. ☺️

      Yes. Amen. Thank you! I gladly receive the prayers and love 🙏🏽🤗

      Liked by 1 person

  8. My sweet little sister. Yes God has veto power. But I would like to point out a few things.
    1- You are a beautiful young woman inside and out.
    2- You will be a wonderful wife for the man God brings to you.
    3- You are indeed precious.
    4- You are my little sister in Jesus and I love you.
    5- You have so much to offer, a kind heart, intelligence, fun personality the list goes on.
    6- Any man would be blessed to be your husband.
    7- and by the way- Anthony was an idiot to let you go and needs to get his head examine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As only my big brother could make me smile and chuckle, thank you, Matt!!

      I just exhaled deeply as I let your list wash over me. I give our God thanks for you tonight. You’re such a blessing to me ❤️🤗❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  9. My love, How I am amazed at how ABBA moves in your life. In the good times and the bad. He has made you a blessing to so many. You know how I have experienced Veto power in my own life but I never thought about it in this way until now. And now Looking at your words I finally can. Dee you are a precious gift that any man would be blessed to have. Continue to wait on God. The fact that you have decided to trust God even in this is a testament to how your relationship with your Heavenly Father has grown and although I know He weeps with you, I know He feels deeply content knowing that you have chosen to come to His bosom for comfort. May His matchless love shower you forever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Diane,

      Your path has not been easy. You have trudged many seas, crossed many Sahara’s and climb innumerable mountains – yet you continue to believe in the Lord’s ability to perform the impossible feats. He honors your faith.

      Thank you for your words of wisdom and faith over my walk. I pray Abba will continue to bountifully produce in you virtues of healing, miracles and loads of signs and wonders. Love to you always ❤️


  10. Hi Deandra. I’m so sorry you had to go through the emotional trouble. While I think you deserve a closure from him, I believe it’s not a ‘you’ problem. Many a men like the idea of being in a serious relationship until they are. Committing to it becomes an issue and they develop cold feet. Worst still, they simply chicken out of it.

    You should just keep being you while seeking to get better in every aspect of your life. God makes everything good in its time. In due time, the right person for you will show up and you won’t have to go through stress in the entire process.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Ayansola,
      Thank you for your support and encouragement. As I read your response I had so many questions; about the male perspective and the female’s response; about how we as believers should conduct our affairs. Ultimately, I found myself thinking if I abort God’s plans when He advises me to do things, especially when I get fearful or begin having second thoughts. #soulsearching

      In any event, I thank you tremendously for loving me through prayers always 🤗


      1. Very true. It appears to me that we sometimes let down our guards when it comes to some areas of our lives, especially the relationship part and not allow the God influence 💯. I believe the believer should conduct all of his affairs in all honesty and sincerity. How we conduct ourselves in relationships speaks volume about us.

        Anyway, what’s yours won’t pass you by. Good things happen to those who wait.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Hi Deandra. I have not been on your blog for a while but I am glad I did today because your post blessed my heart richly.

    You poured your heart out to us and we are greatful that you trust us with the secrets of your heart. I believe the verse that said “all things work together for good to those who love the Lord.” The Lord remove Anthony out of your life for a purpose and one day He will reveal it to you.

    Years ago when I was much younger I had a crush on someone. He broke off the relationship for someone else and I was sad, but years, years later the Lord revealed to me that the young man was a compulsive thief and all his subsequent relationships had that stronghold of shame hanging over them.

    I am so sorry that you were hurt, but I know that God has mended and restored your broken heart. God directs the path of the righteous and He has your best interest at heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Beverly,
      It’s so lovely having you visit me today.

      I’m so touched that in this reflection the Lord blessed your heart. It’s not easy being so vulnerable but when the Lord gets to be praised by it, it makes it worth it.

      I’m so thankful you shared about the revelation the Lord provided – especially it being many years later. I’m even more thankful Abba intervened so that your character would not be marred by this young man’s compulsive habit.

      Thank You Yahweh for always having our best interests at heart. 🙌🏽


  12. Well penned! What an incredible testimony. Thank you for sharing. Yes, I too have walked with Job and given God my everything. You are so right. He has what is best in His hands. God bless you.💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s not very often I hear of someone who proclaims to have given the Lord everything. It’s such a beauty to behold.

      Thank you Hope for leaving your heart print here and reminding us that it certainly is worth giving Him all ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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